dear,

this was something from the anberlin boards that i wrote. there's a thread called "Dear Blank, Signed Blank" where you basically write a message to someone or something. this was what i wrote today.

"Dear Cecily,

i just saw you today at grad. practice, and we started talking like we'd been hanging out all year, when you've been at the college this whole year and i've been stuck in that brave new world of a high school. the truth is, it felt weird, because i've changed so much, and i don't know how much you have. i know you're still going out with casey, but that's not it--are you still cutting? have you and him done anything? what's your life like right now? and what about me? i've changed so much you wouldn't know me. my hair is different, i'm walking differently, smiling, laughing, talking, thinking, dreaming differently. i've lost my faith and gained it back; it's making me stronger. i'm learning that AP classes aren't worth it (although you probably already knew that) and that i never seem to fall in love with the perfect guy for me, there's always one flaw that can tear a rift between us. i've been so up and down this year, and i've experienced so much--emotionally and spiritually--i'm afraid we may never be as close of friends as we used to be. you're going to western this fall, and i have this horrible feeling that i will never see you again. you say you cut yourself for fun, or when you're bored, not because you're sad, but i don't know the true reason for it anymore, and it still scares me to death when you show me your scars. i wish you would stop. i know of these people who could help you stop, but i'm afraid to tell you. i've always been afraid to express my faith around you, because i was always afraid you'd think i was trying to convert you and you'd push me away, but i can tell you right now that if and when we do get to spend more time together this summer, i won't be afraid to tell you about my faith, because you're leaving me this fall anyway, and because you're one of my best friends and i hate to see you hurt. give me a call, go the party tonight, whatever--i think we should talk.

sorry for the novel,
(____)