receiving end of kindness, compassion

the R.E.M. cycle is amazing. dreams can have the most profound impact on you, or they can just be weird little things that are nothing more than side effects of too much caffeine and not enough sleep. many of my dreams i don't remember, but most of the ones that i do remember tend to linger in mind for a long while.

take, for instance, the dream i had last night. surprisingly, it was in vivid detail. also, i can remember a lot of it, thought not all of it. [probably because i just woke up].

it was scary at first. i was riding in the passenger seat of a car, with my best friend driving, when all of a sudden the world jerked and shook and i only remember finding myself looking out of a broken windshield. i looked at my friend, and i couldn't exactly tell, but she was hurt. i somehow managed to climb out of the car and i was a little disoriented. i went and found help, and i can't remember who it was, but they lent me their cell phone because i think mine was lost. the next thing i remember is riding an ambulance, and my friend was lying on a gurney in front of me. i held her hand fast, and at the same time, someone on the other side of me was holding my other hand. i didn't match a face, because i never turned and looked. we arrive at the hospital and it's just like those tv shows where they burst through the doors pushing the gurney as fast as they can go, with someone other than a doctor holding their hand. it was all i could do to keep up, and i eventually had to let go. i still felt the other person holding my other hand, but i collapsed. the real me, through the dream, i could feel the wave of emotion, it was intense. i don't think i actually cried, but i was overcome with sadness, when i felt that other person enevlop me in their arms and help me up and to the waiting room. they sat me down in a plastic chair and just kept one arm around my shoulders while i blabbed something about wondering if i would ever see my friend again. and this person comforted me and encouraged me and held me and i was again overwhelmed, by kindess this time. and right before i woke up, i looked at the person to see who it was--

and i can't remember their face, but it shocked me because i know that they are a familiar sight to me in real life, and yet why would they be there with me?

the impact i got out of this was the extreme kindess this person showed towards me. it makes me sad to say this, but how often does anyone show someone else that magnitude of kindess? i have sadly never known what it was to be on the recieving end of kindess, and i sadly reflect on how many times i have shown that kind of compassion towards another human being. so many people long for that, because it's so rare, and that's why it's overwhelming in this world. this world has taught us to be tough, survive, to buck up and dam the tears so that we don't appear as weak. but where does it all come down to when the dam breaks? people surrounding them don't know how to react if someone shows a bit of emotion. and it's the men that fall under this category most of the time, becuase the world has taught that man is tough, and man does not cry. but women fall under this category, too;

if anyone has had a hard life or just a rough set of circumstances and they've hardened up--what happens when the tears can no longer be held back?

and why won't the world show them kindness?

-d