i fear what i don't really know

there's a scarf around my neck and i'm again in mourning; whining, complaining.

i'm pathetic, to say the least.

the weird thing was, with everyone else, there was a "click." so when something happened, my rationalization ("he was never the right person for you," etc.) was always drowned out by the emotion. and it literally, upon my first notice, was a small jab in my gut. i feel empty the rest of the day, but i always pull myself out of it eventually.

but there was no click. there was no reason why i felt this way about this one person, just that i knew that there was something there. some stupid feelings; i couldn't explain why they decided to take up short- (or long-) term residence where my practicality used to live. it was very confusing, because without a click, whether in the positive or negative direction, i was just spinning around on the spot with a blindfold on. this scares me even more than strong feelings, which i at least know are there.

but oh well. and for some reason, it hurts, but the letdown seems bearable.

-d