in review. (how droll that sounds.)

it has been the coolest, if not the coldest, august i've ever known.

the wind has blown wildly and the rain has fallen in torrents. it feels like autumn was too anxious to wait its turn and jumped the gun this year.
and it was so goddamn dark...

i lost one, and almost lost someone even closer.
i'm losing tons of people to the gravity of "your futures."
i saw someone off to their own future on another coast. someone i almost missed an opportunity to tell something very important to. almost...
i'm hearing of the news of my eky and families around her losing food and water supplies.
i've lost faith in religion.
i'm losing more of my faith in humans.

as the month wraps up, though, i have never been so eager to count all my blessings, most of them great in quality, instead of quantity:
my grandfather has met three out of four requirements for being discharged from a chicago hospital, and only needs to complete physical therapy, which won't take that long.
there are still some of my closer friends staying here with me (although not necessarily because of me) during my second (and hopefully final) year of schooling in this valley.
before he left, he let me know something. shocked me so much that reading the message itself nearly knocked me back off my feet. in a good way.
i have a chance to help eky and her family and those around her.
i've gained more in my faith, more in compassionate love for humankind as a whole.

so in truth, maybe i have only lost one thing, although it seems to left a gaping hole somewhere...right there...
but his presence is filling it more each time i think about him.

an entire season, no, a couple of lifetime experiences, occured, for me, in the space of thirty-one days. the summer decided june and july hadn't been packed enough, so why not just throw everything in towards the end? will she notice, do ya think?

the next time you hear from my sorry, whining, pathetic writing, it will be my favorite season. forget springtime and green grass and baby animals--autumn is the season of change for me. when everything is slowly dying in last-ditch-effort bursts of color, i'll be unfolding my petals and surely be blooming.

until then, or maybe sooner. because serious college students who have serious thoughts and considerations about seriously attending a four-year university next fall, preferably at least two-hundred miles from the homestead, need to seriously buckle down and put on a serious face. and they don't have much time for pouring out thoughts and emotions.

unless it's serious.

-d