blues-ing the contradictory, normally associated feeling, away (and then beating it like a hammer)

i really wasn't going to go tonight.

it was a last minute decision.

i think you talked to me once.

WHATEVER. i couldn't care any less.

although the night was plagued with bits of awkwardness (including someone showing whom i didn't want and not getting a clue), i met a lot of great dancers. 

by the way, for anyone who reads this, and who doesn't already know, blues dancing is amazing. like. really. it's hot stuff. hot and sweaty and down and gritty, but we're not talking about some guy pretending to ram you like a holstein bull. we mean intimate. and rhythmical. and beautiful and freaking amazing.

i want to learn morrrrrre. i'm so glad i went.

 

(secretly i'm wondering if you watched me dancing while you were dancing, and if you thought it would be as you thought it would a little more than three months ago.) 

but honestly, other than that, i was learning, and having an amazing time.

to you, sir, after all these months of whining and pining over you like the lovesick puppy with the hapless, flappy ears i usually am in these situations: suck it. although i do hope there's a friendship that can remain. but i was a beginner tonight, and i was also pretty good at that, for a beginner, and you saw it. don't deny it.

wow: tonight is full of contradictions. and i'm glad.

-d