the needle jumps and skips

I need to get out of here. To run away. I really do.

Of course it’s cowardly. That’s why it’s what I want the most. Shut up.

I almost really mean it this time, but in light of my cousin, who's the same age as me, dropping out of college because she didn't want to spend the extra fifth year finishing her degree, and with all the money I and my mother have poured into this, I can't. My gut physically won't let me. Yet my impulses are tugging me all over the world.

I won't quit. I can't. But it's just been one of those days/nights where I really think about why I'm here, and not because I didn't get a stupid callback.

Is this really what I want? I find myself drawn towards theatre because, yes, I do love it--I love the people, I love the excitement, I love the learning process(es); it's one of the few things I was actually really good at growing up, rather than just good. But is it really what I want as my life? No. No, it's not. Sue me, I'm not as dedicated as most of the people here, but I will show them how hard I can work at this, don't you ever forget for a second.

I am torn in a hundred different directions and I have big assignments due tomorrow and photo call took way too long tonight and

I don't want to travel all over the world. Not just yet.

Right now, all I really want is to go home. To just go home.