the crash after the sailing

how long did that last, i wonder. was it really full happiness? or fake? because it felt like no other happiness.

my oldest friend moved away for good, and i don't when i'll ever see her again. my other friend and i are fighting, over something stupid that i probably shouldn't have said. work was horrible last night; i have the distinct feeling that i screwed a lot of people over and i am in danger of losing my job.

to top it all off, i am listening to Death Cab's "I Will Possess Your Heart", which is actually a very good song, but when i took a step back to look at everything that just went wrong, i saw that his actions were no more than friendliness, and how i now must seem like Ben Gibbard in this song.

i swore so much last night, i might have dented a battleship.

i came home from work late last night. after three silent crying jags, the last put me to sleep.

*********

this afternoon. i have only been awake for a little over an hour. the shades are down, the oscilating fan on my ceiling is going medium speed, and at about ninety degrees, it is the hottest mid-May i have ever noticed in the time i've lived here. i am planning on washing the car, and stopping by the movie theater to pick up an application, as well as a few other places, possibly. right now, though, i am reflecting. and probably procrastinating at the same time.

-d

P.S.- Thank you Jasper and Lizzy, for being the only ones I know of who are bored enough to read my ramblings.