insulin & the bottle

it's raining right now.
i cried so much tonight. about two things.

once because i realized i can't change the people i care about; i can only do so much.

another time because if i'm going to live, i have to change the way i do things. if i care.

change is so hard. it's hard not to change something you want to, that you really wish you could. you really care about this person, and if it weren't just for that one thing--just one, but it means too much--you would want to be even closer. it's hard when you realize maybe you don't have the power to completely change someone, especially for the better...you can only do so much.

and yet it's hard to change yourself. funny how we want to change people, change the world, when maybe the only thing that needs changing is ourselves. and it's hard when you're so used to yourself. if i want to live, though...so this change means a lot.

i'm gonna need a lot of courage here.

-d