are we really that narcissitic a generation? have we become knee-deep in our possessions; up to the neck in our world-revolves-around-me approach? i'm drowning. i can't breathe in all of this.

people never eat a healthy meal in their own homes. they will drive all the way across town and wait fifteen minutes in an exhaust-filled line to upsize their double-cheeseburger meal with a large fry and a large milkshake. no onions.

i think it's because i grew up in a lower-middle class household, but i was always being told about how possessions and material things are not important. and i still believe that, although now partially from watching people firsthand. we are so dense; all we see is green. i'm not exempt from this, but i'm trying to change that, especially now that i have another reason to besides the obvious.

we are the seven deadly sins rolled into one, each one of us. long ago was the day that people asked their god or any higher power for forgiveness for a thing we would consider minor and trivial. we don't seem to care anymore. we don't have to be linked to worship of any kind to stop being who we are right now, we just need the willpower and self-discipline to tell ourselves to pull the reins up on it.

the world here is a cacophony of sights and sounds, many of which i'm not familiar with. what would happen were the lights to blind me? the roaring noise to deafen me? how do i speak, how do i move? (i'm gonna have to get used to bright lights and bright sounds if i plan on moving to where i want to go.)

age-old question: if nothing material seems to make me happy, where do i look? cliche of an answer: inward.

pardon the ramblings of another person who acts as though they've found themselves and what makes them truly happy. this has been said millions upon billions of times before, i know it. maybe i needed to see it in front of me.

but it's late, and i can pawn that off as a lazy excuse.

-d