(back)ground control to major tom

i'm getting weird signals.

i know you must absolutely be off limits,

but that's not the pattern i'm reading when i observe your actions. it's like m.c. escher drew you into my vision and i'm constantly watching your actions morph from doves to insects to cities to lord knows what else.

i don't know whether to back off or welcome it; first-felt emotions would propel me forward, were it not for some sound advice crashing down in front of me like a waterfall. but my initial emotion has remained the same the whole time, as is in any case such as this:

(and i wonder what conclusion you yourself would draw could you read the patterns i play out, only in my mind; as calm and composed as i am so desperately trying to act, and as melodramatic as this may sound, answer this, and it's not rhetorical: do you know what you're doing to me?)

i am so confused.

-d