war paint is what i call redding up my lips and looking like a porcelain doll under spotlights

fulldressfulldressfulldressfulldressfulldresssssssssssssss

it went great last night. my outfit was in character, and i did my make-up all on my own, and Doug took over 600 pictures, in front of the stage and backstage, and i realized i don't look so washed-out--perfect! i will probably post some/a lot later, Doug was going a little crazy.

plus, i didn't miss any of my lines, and just barely missed one entrance. i did good work there, son.

except for being made fun of constantly: i don't know what kind of water comes from the sink in the men's dressing room, but there must be some giddiness mixed in theres. maybe i shouldn't react so well, but i can always attribute that to just having finished character acting, and i got stuck. 

helped move furniture off the stage so it could be painted, stayed and got made fun of some more (do i enjoy it? i confess, the attention is a greater lure these days), and gave Doug a ride home. didn't get home until around eleven, and it had snowed, and the car was frozen up this morning. ick. snowing in February i can handle, snowing in March is inexcusable, God! seriously.

tonight is opening night. my mom worried me last night when she asked if it was true that if the dress rehearsal didn't go so well, that opening night would--i want all the nights to go well! from my experience, though, stumbling may occur around the second night, but then we always pull it back together by the next night, and closing night is, of course, the best, when thank you's are said and such. the problem with the stumbling is, of course, confidence, and too much of it causes us to forget.

which, i guess, is the same storyline for what's going on with me. i've placed too much confidence in my ability to keep this hidden, and people are starting to tell. one person figured it out, and has told a friend, i know they'll be looking out for me. but i think someone else thinks they have also figured it out, and i would implore, please, sir, please, no hint-dropping. hansel and gretel dropped bread crumbs, and they nearly got eaten. please, don't. please,

unless you already have, and that was why i caught my name being said from the hallway.

well, shit.

but i still feel good about tonight.

don't wish me any broken legs; the broken heart might come sooner again than i thought.

-d