familiar as the bird that's by your window every morning without fail, that sings. ("in french or in english.")

i am a loving person. i care, and i love, and i think one of my many weaknesses is that i care too much, and love too hard...the intentions are there, but it's the age-old story of the child learning how to walk. this child has jelly for legs, like there aren't any bones holding that tiny body up, reaching up for the hand of the one they think will catch them, and foolishly forgetting to use that hand to help break their fall. scrapes and cuts and red, stinging heels of hands and tears.

as i have mentioned long ago, my heart doesn't like to settle on a cloud. it doesn't float well, no matter how fancy these flights of such seem to be, and it prefers at least a small island. if it's in the water, it swims madly for the next shore.

when i hear "these feelings won't go away," maybe i am talking about you still, because you seem to be the subject of the year. but when i turn the light on next to the big picture, i am also talking about the fact that i can't...not...be attracted to or fall for anyone. maybe it's because i was more hopeless as a younger girl (now that i'm older, i'm just hapless), but it just feels wrong and makes my gut feel empty when there's nothing to feel. i do like that feeling, but at this point i'm more wont to believe that the feelings come along circumstance by circumstance. they never really go away. maybe they fade, a little bit at a time, but then they trim the wick and add more oil whenver you come around. whoever "you" happen to be at the time. and yet they're fresh. they aren't recycled. they take breaks to go wash their faces, and so each bout of them is new and different.

so to you, sir, i think what i'm trying to say is not to worry, because this is normal for me. plum crazy to you, no doubt. but there is someone new in my life, and while he is just a friend at this point, those familiar dizzies are whirling in the pit of my diaphragm, and so you won't have to worry about me pining like an evergreen in your direction anymore.
feet as footrests. exhaling sharply, tensing those muscles, and now the familiar tiny pangs of student hunger are nagging at me. i depart for the student union.

-d