how silly, how foolish of me.
the kicker is, i would've let you. yep. imagine how much more i'd be hurt. how much harder it would be.
i promised you i would go to swing dancing. you said i should do things i enjoy, to get my mind away from other events. so i wouldn't torture myself. i got there. i wasn't having fun. so i left. i walked all the way back here in the fucking wind and the fucking rain. my feet are numb.
here's the bottom line: i thought i had another connection. a better one. and i held on fast. and when i realized i didn't, that the friendship was all it was ever going to be after that, and nothing more, i walked through the cold and tortured myself. and now i get to see you more often than i saw him.
how can i look back on the positive? the positive was negative.

oh but i'll swallow it down. and it'll eventually digest until it is no more. here's to hoping. hoping hasn't gotten me that far. hell, it led me to you.
fucking rain.


















you stopped in the middle of kissing my neck and laughed. you apologized. i said i understood. you told me i had no idea.
i'm crying,
i stopped in the middle of understanding this and told you that you had no idea how hard it was for me not to kiss you right then and there. you said you understood. you have no idea.