appendicitis.

sometimes, my senses will randomly interrupt my normal thought processes with trickery. i was sitting way far away from you. maybe i should start doing that more often. maybe i should stop tagging along.

but i somehow, definitely, tasted coffee and cigarettes on my tongue today.

for five whole minutes, i was a little repulsed and thoughtful, drifting off to dreamland before becoming a little disgusted with myself. i don't know if anyone was watching, but had they been, they might've thought i was practicing facial expressions for some class. or that i was fighting off a sneeze.

i have a few hangnails. i feel like one. you should've clipped me away when you had the chance.

good grief. i am fine when i'm not around you. i am fine when i'm around you. so why am i playing the puppy game? whatever little thread of attraction or, aphrodite forbid, feelings is hanging from my third rib, is wrapped around some hook you have. i haven't seen any on your clothes, and you've made it quite clear you're not gone fishing, so something's wrong with me.

i'm not afraid of losing a friend, am i? should i be? i don't think so. but there might be nothing left to say. we see each other more than should be allowable. we had plenty to say before, and then spilled the rest over a restless twenty-hour period. did we drain ourselves? of things to say, of ways to act, of energy, of anything?

what is it with me and matches, and knives? i feel the need to sever every limb until i'm left with nothing but myself, and for some reason, setting fire to rickety bridges seems to be more rational than repairing them. i was never any good at isolation, though.

-d