beat it out

and so, after preparing for months and waiting for almost a year to audition for the Performance B.F.A., i am politely turned down in a message entitled "Regrets."

there were almost tears, but i managed to suck in my rattling gasps like a dementor. i couldn't exactly explode in front of my roommate (i have no privacy anymore...i can't WAIT for next year), but i needed to "express" something; the expression ended up as a slight bruise on the heel of my hand from hitting the bathroom counter.

it's not like i wouldn't be given another chance; she said i could re-audition next year, and that she really did like my performance. the entire thing was smooth and relaxed, i felt at ease the entire interview long. it wasn't terrible.

but it was a door, and it closed.
rephrase: she left it open halfway and told me to close it if i was the last one to leave.

about a month ago, i started thinking a little more practically, and mused on what i would minor in, if i could. any of the languages would be out, as i would have already had to start in the fall. english was a no, seeing as how there aren't any minors that strike enough of my fancy to be passionate about. why not wine trade & tourism? or film & video studies?

so i made a half-assed promise to myself that if i didn't make the cut, i would seriously consider a minor in something. a wise sociology professor of mine once said to major in what you love to do, and minor in what you will be doing.

my beef at this point is, so many of my credits after this quarter (woo, all twenty-six of them) are performance-related. stage dance isn't even a performance elective. lucky for me, i guess, that nearly all of my classes next quarter will just have to do with core requirements of the theatre degree.

if i do a minor in wine trade & tourism, i wouldn't have an extra senior project to work on. i could open my own wine shop later in life. it would be a LOT of work. even for just a certificate.

a few small doors are starting open up, but instead of just sitting here musing about it, i've got to slap a light plot and a make-up sketch on the floor and grind out those creative pepper bits.

my brain hurts.

-d