i feel like i'm putting way too much of myself into this machine and getting shit out of doing so.
what the hell happened? this was supposed to be my passion, and now it's ruining me, wearing me down, inch by inch.
it's the reason i've been thinking more practically lately; thinking in monetary terms more so than usual. thinking like the words the adults said to me, "yes, but how will you make a living?" it was supposed to be my living.

i didn't care where i lived, what i had, or what else i did, as long as i had acting in my life.
now, and in greater force lately, i'm thinking that maybe acting is trying cat-on-the-roof me, and let me down gently, but it's never done anything gently before. it's too heavy for a soft landing.

what the hell have i done to my life?