I do not feel like I am in a good place right now.

Today was spent holding back the urge to pick up every object within reach and throw it against the wall and then punch somebody in the face. Today was spent indoors, trying to push everything down and waiting for responses from a few people and not getting them and watching a Wes Anderson movie before moving onto one of my old favorite shows. Today was about trying to relax and not let things get to me. But you know what happens when you try to push things down and hold them there?

They bubble. They froth. Before you know, they start to overflow, like a pot filled with too much boiling water.

My stomach hurts. Screw my heart, Japanese culture was right--I feel everything in my stomach and my gut. And I don't like what I feel in my gut.

Fuck this shit. Fuck you. I want to believe that it means nothing, but pictures are worth a thousand words. Hear me? A THOUSAND FUCKING WORDS.

This isn't good. This isn't happening. There was no security blanket enveloping any of these feelings for you, and now their diaspora has begun. Everything is all over the floor, and it's a mess, and I feel like I'm stuck in this never-ending whirlpool of stupid emotions.

I didn't want it to end like this, either. Please don't let it end like this. Especially if it's barely begun.

Fuck me. Little things are causing me to tip over, and I'm not buying the excuse that "I'm a girl" this time.

Lord, you were dangerous. Look at what I've done to myself.