1.11.2012

a semi-permanent quasi-case of alexithymia

Apparently, I wouldn't be able to handle anything that didn't have strings attached.

I am pathetic. I can't explain why I let myself fall the way I do. I don't understand why I'm not any stronger. Not just in these matters, but in almost every area of my life--why do I let things in? I can't understand why my soft shell not only lets things under my skin, it practically insists that they burrow there. Festering like sores; slow-healing scabs.

(For any that actually read, I'm sorry I'm not happier. I should be. And I was, for a while back there. This seems to be the only way I can let loose these emotions.)

Someone needs to save me from myself. Whether that entails merely catching me before I hit the ground, or forcing my shields to spring up, I don't know. At this rate, an explanation of what's happening to me would be welcome, because I sure as hell can't figure it out.

Or, maybe, I don't want to.
































Why the hell can't I cry?

No comments: