you're there

Well, what a great way for this blog to meet 2012.

Convenience, human contact, and alcohol--and all you said was that you didn't want to drink alone.

Fuck it. Fuck myself even more for wanting another session. You know me too well, and that's a problem. It's a terrible idea.

But you're there, you're here, and the next time we get really drunk together, it might happen again. It might not. Sadly enough, I'd like it to, and not because any previous feelings for you are crawling out of their earthy graves.

Just because I like the feeling of skin on skin, and kissing, and it feels nice to have someone hold me.

I'm lonely. And you understand that. You understood that, and for that time being, were okay with it, as long as you got about fifty percent what you wanted out of that.

Three times. Fuck you. Fuck me. I want to not be angry at myself for all these things, but I can't ever place full blame in one direction.

Other than all that, I don't like weekends right now, because rehearsal, even for these past three days alone, has been wonderful. This show is going to be so much more awesome than I'd previously thought, and it's going to take a longer commitment, so I may have to plan my first year out of college around a college show, but still--it will be amazing. The minds collaborating on this project are all great, and we are already becoming a tight-knit, dedicated bunch of actors and crew, and I'm just so excited to work with this group for my one mainstage project here at this university. Icarus will be beautiful, I have no doubt.

Charlie Brown, by Coldplay. I've got to not worry about this anymore. Look what's standing in front of me, what lies before me! I link my fingers and hold my hands up to the light, and muse on the flaming color of the light pasing through the skin there. I want to glow.

I can't be anybody else's light but my own.