lonely little love dog

I'm crazy. I'm insane. Forget it. Oh my God.

I don't think I've ever known less about a person I want than him.

Just so long as he never finds this, I think I'll be okay.

All this letting it out just to rein it back in. I've always been cautious. There are times when I don't care what people think of me, but most of the time, I actually--really--do care.

These feelings--I feel like a fucking teenager again, having "crushes" on guys that I knew would never requite those feelings. Back then, it was safe for me to have all these fantasies of happy little relationships, because I knew those boys would never become that close to me.

Now--this stuff is dangerous. Yeah, I'm a little late to the game, so I seem really naïve here, but maybe I'm a late bloomer in almost every sense but brain development.

God. GOD.

I just want those arms around me, and our foreheads touching, if that's possible with the height difference.

WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME.

Dear Lord. If I even have one anymore.

Dear Universe,

Please just show me...just give me something...make this easy on me.

I don't even know anymore. I'm tired and I'm still a little sweaty from rehearsal tonight. I just don't know.

At least it gives me something to think about. And maybe that's all I should do about it.