rule of cool

I don't think you find me all that interesting.

I didn't punk out 'til I was thirty,

And you've somehow lived much more life than me.

You're bold in a way that I'm learning to bottle and save.

You're not my idol, not on a pedestal--

I learned to even up the hard way,

to put myself eye level with everything you've figured out.

I'm trying so hard to not make the same mistake I made the last time the electricity hit me in the neck bolts;

to not brush you with soft edges where there are none,

to take in all the eyes, rotating rings, the fire, the horns, the great and terrible wings.

"B~E  N~O~T  A~F~R~A~I~D--!"

"CHRIST, GABRIEL, I am TRYING"

I find you to be one of the coolest people I now know,

but I will not try to be some backstage fuck, like I was to the last admiration I got too close to, the lights in my eyes.

I will not canonize you.

...if that brings you any comfort.