sanctitatis

awkward wallflower, awkward all. sitting against the wall not able to move. it's dark and flashing lights and i don't know anyone here; if you try and get me to dance, i don't know what to do. you're all over the place, and sober at that. i don't want to know a lot of these people; they're the kind you find in teen movies and bad parties. guys here for drinking and lord knows what, girls here to make something of it. i'm not sure, and i don't know if i'll be sure of things again at this point.

Vere Sanctus es...

at one point, the awkwardness inside me reached a zenith, and i think you caught it, pulled me away from it. i thank you for that, for being perceptive when i was trying to lose all perception.

thank you for singing. thank you for making me smile and making me laugh. thank you for talking with me. thank you for spending a good deal of your time cheering me up when you could have been happy dancing away without me. i don't know if you were trying to tell me something through the songs and the funny jokes and the showing of your own memorabilia, or you were just being really nice. but it's the kindest thing any friend's ever done for me, i swear.

...Domine Fons omnis sanctitatis...

at the time it felt like there was meaning behind it; i usually either think really practically or really romantically at night. in the daytime, i'm rational. when i woke up i realized it was mostly just kindness that washed over me during that hour. i never know, but i let myself down every time i get my hopes up.

when i went to work all i had to do was think of that song, Sanctitatis, and an immediate calm would wash over me. relief. hope.

...Domine

and i for some reason think of you when hear this, and i feel calm. relief. hope.

-d