the fountain in van tassell square is running and filled with water again

it's blue. it wasn't blue when they first filled it up, so it's probably chemicals.

which makes me think that even though some things are fake and completely and blatantly ruses, people let them be put up anyway. maybe we're afraid that something dramatic will happen if we have the courage just to pull down the wool that's over our eyes.

but it's gorgeous. the fountain is, and it fits with the almost cloudless blue sky, the small breeze, and the sunshine. and the greenest of lawns. and i'm not going to go ahead and depress you with stuff like that, even though i should. do you understand that,

do you understand what i mean?

right before spring break, when the fountain wasn't filled up, tia, justin and i hung out by the fountain and walked around inside the empty thing. he took pictures, and some of them are pretty artistic, but e hasn't given any of them to me yet because i haven't asked. the wind was blowing really hard and everything was flying everywhere.

but we had to get away from the MTV U they decided to play constantly on the new big screen tv's mounted on the walls of every student hangout, which MTV is paying for, and it plays the same music constantly, and it's always loud and obnoxious.

so you see, we had to get away from the noise and explore the emptiness. the almost good kind of emptiness,
if there is any.

from our acres of gorgeous lawns and brick buildings, this town looks pretty good from here. i still have to get out, though.

i have the strangest desire to jump in the fountain. strangest? the blue is so tempting. my philosophy term paper is on Desire, and there's nothing more i desire now to jump in.

to jump.

but i think i'll be cold from the wind when i get out. so why can't i stay in?

and why do i want something i say i don't? why don't i live my life the way i say i do? why don't i take risks and leave others for other times and places? there is a time and a place for everything. not some things. not most things. everything. every thing.

why don't i jump? the distance isn't that far...

because i'll be cold when i get out.

then stay in.

-d