let's imagine a bale of the stuff balanced on a tightrope, and that equals my emotions. why?

i like you.
i like you quite a bit.

i won't know until i see you or stand in the same room as you again exactly

how much i want to be with you.

i am not talking the overly physical ending, nor am i talking the scarily obsessive-and-wanting-a-full-commitment-to-anything ending. i'm not even sure i'm talking about a relationship yet.

i'd just like to relive the second part of that friday night.
where we held hands. and each other, for a bit. and of course...you know.

i don't think i'd like anything more at this moment. i promise if there comes a time like that again i'll shuck off the nervous outer layer and just be myself, how i was around you before. but you should know that you make me nervous, in a good way. not many people can attest to getting that reaction from me.

this is so different. in all my other encounters (if you can even call them that) it has never gotten to this point. now that i am over that phase where i am surprised and shaken, i have reassessed some things. and while i'm still thinking ahead towards consequences, i am, for once, letting God sort everything out (the Lord doth provide, and only for my emotional crises) and not worrying about them so much, because neither of us have reached the fork in the road yet. i'm not even sure we're walking the same path, all i know is that i can see you from where i am.

now if only i could've realized this before i decided not to go to after-swing fun instead of sitting here on my passive-aggressive ass. i have a slightly better muscle cramp in my left thigh and a healing split lip, neither of which i know as to their beginnings, and a heart whose thudding pace is wearing off, and feet tired of walking on crooked tiles with flat-soled shoes all day. i am complaining, and berating myself because i should instead

be there. talking to you. telling you this after we all file out the door in merry and relaxed spirits.

unless, of course, you didn't go either.

-d