the man who basically started the lindy hop died this past week. probably doing aerials with the angels.

and yes, i got to go swing dancing at least, on the condition that i be home by ten. but i'll tell you what, i needed it. it felt great. well, for part of it, at least.

now c, you've probably guessed. i should be over this by now. i was, i swear i was. i swore i was.

i've gotten one of those nifty fm transmitters for my ipod. it's great. i feel highly technological.

first song that played as i pulled out of the parking lot, sans necessary shoes?

slow dancing in a burning room.

and then where i stood.

and then radiohead. radiohead's great for the blues.

thank you katie, jessica, c, for being there. i needed you there tonight, regardless of whether or not a certain phantom manifested. thank you.

and i've finally received the intrinsic answer i was asking myself weeks and weeks ago (it was that long ago, that night). and the answer was no. i'll leave you to guess the question; keep it to yourself, please. 

..................

what the hell is wrong with me?

i left my wallet at home today.

this is the second time i've lost my phone, and i doubt it'll resurface.

now i've left my running shoes at swing. 

this started way before i saw that you had haunted your way in here.

that's not fair; you belong there more than i do. you had no idea i'd be there.

avoided your gaze, i sure did. i said here once before it's hard to make eye contact with someone if they make me nervous. with all this empty space between that night and tonight, when you dropped the can on the other end of the string, and i still have a circular imprint on the side of my face from when i foolishly kept listening (and all i heard was the ocean), it made it all the harder to meet your eyes when i was so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so afraid you might be looking back.

i think once, when we were both leaving the floor, we were both headed for the same path between two tables, and i not-so-gracefully tripped over my roots and almost timbered trying to backtrack around one of the tables.

i also think i was standing at our table, listening to katie and drinking water, and i either had the peripheral vision of a rabbit or was just unlucky enough to turn my head slightly that way, but you were walking that direction. you were also almost grapevining your way towards someone, and for a moment, one foolish, stupid, infatuated moment, i thought it was towards me. i was scared, and turned back toward katie to say something. were you? did you look at me, my way, at all tonight?

luckily, i am allowed to skip tomorrow's math review session to participate in our first improv show. i'll let it distract me.

i can't let myself fall back into this slump, my spine is already taxed and i will probably grow a hunchback later in life. 

and you will walk as upright and straight-backed as ever, as you always do.

-d