life is in neutral and slowly being shifted into drive, hopefully without my killing the transmission

i'm still an animal. i react to scents, but i usually don't act upon these reactions. i just take them in. (unless it's particularly odoriferous.) i can still smell my favorite blues-lead-in-this-town's hands on my own. my curly-haired friend smells like milk, which is a good thing. the right amount of cologne on a guy can really stir something in me. i'm being totally honest, here--admit it, though, right? animal.

is it sad that whenever i smell cigarettes on someone's breath, i can sort of tell how cheap or good those cigarettes are? or whether they're mixed with beer? it's all compared to one particular brand--thanks to you. thanks. i don't really want to think about you right now, because i'm happy not thinking about you. it doesn't cause me pain, but it doesn't bring thick emotions to the surface like it used to.

i never thought i'd be listening to james blunt so much, if at all. but here i am, after a long day of messing up some more sewing projects, filing at work, literally straight to a long four-and-a-half hours of a first tech rehearsal, and a blues party to unwind, and i've got his whiny vocals on repeat. i just had a plain, warmed-up, handmade-style corn tortilla and a glass of chocolate soy milk. i will not sleep until the weekend, and even then, not much, as call for rehearsal on saturday is at eleven in the morning. i will be so glad when this show is over.

and i think the only reason it's james blunt is because i heard this song in a movie that made me think of (a different) you. and things are kind of stuck because i don't see you everyday, i have no contact with you--you only know me from one meeting. i feel more hopeless than ever before, and part of me would like something nice to happen with us, because i happen to think you are pretty attractive, and have an interesting and creative mind, from what i can tell; but part of me is also afraid because the last time i admired someone from a distance, without that person being completely aware of my existence, it ended...well, it ended with too much of me writing, and not too much thinking. it almost worked in my favor, then took a totally different route.

damn it.

i have terrible sleeping habits. let me alone.

-d