cheers (pt. 1)

SoulPancake challenged people to write down their memories of 2010 as if their mind was going to be wiped clean in 5 minutes. I think my mind resisted for a little longer, but here's what it is, folk(s):

Dancing at a workshop and getting a ride to a blues party with a guy who was more innocent than me who told me that he'd had a crush on me for quite a while. I don't ever remember the sane part of me saying that I felt the same way, but there we go. Two months later, one of my best friends told me I had balls when I told her I went to his house to talk with him and break it off.

Theatre and the world of backstage. I realized how much more practical it is for me to buy nice audition outfits when I go shopping, and how better it is when they're black.

Summer I kept thinking about things. I kept dancing. I went to see Imogen Heap with two more of my best friends. I went on at least one hike and my legs did not let me hear the end of it, especially when I went dancing the next night.

I moved into a house that I was going to pay rent on. For the first time in my life. I hate not having a job now, especially, but I don't regret it.

I keep feeling down about not getting any parts, but that's mostly my fault for not working hard on my monologues enough.

Most of what's occupied my mind these days is a certain someone (surprise). As far as people go, I haven't come across too many rotten apples, but the situations themselves just hurt more. The rejection. The realization that nothing would work, and that neither of us were willing, or even able, at times, to till that soil. This one's different. I have a feeling.

And now it's early morning on the day of New Year's Eve, I'm listening to DeVotchKa, my music library has probably more than quadrupled its size since the first of January, I've made so many more friends, I'm still writing, still dancing, still singing when no one's around, still soaking in everything that's around me, and still thinking. And it's at this moment I realize, foolishly and I can't believe this is almost all I can think about, but I've never been kissed at midnight of the first day of the new year, and even though there's a 99.99998% chance it'll never happen (not this year, anyway), I know who I'd want to share that moment with.

Also as soon as I get enough my financial aid refund and pay my mom back and get a job and my first two paychecks, I intend to buy that camera I've always wanted.

This indeed was a year of changes to come; not that every new year isn't, but this one was pretty significant. To me, at least. Plenty of firsts, for sure. I've dug myself in and out of debt, in and out of a relationship that wasn't destined for eternity or even six months, in and out of infatuation, in and out of misery, in and out of fighting. That's so much shoveling, I'm surprised I don't have bulging biceps.

I wish I could share that special moment with that special someone tonight, but I can't ask for too much from that. I'll just see what happens.

I'm again filling to the brim with memories and emotions as it draws closer and closer. Spilling over the edge again and again; this is a night of bottomless refills, everyone. I intend to be mostly happy, though, tonight--I have quite a bit to look forward to in 2011. If anything, hopefully I'll meet my future husband, because despite my skepticism, I'm still on the fence about the apocalypse being at the end of 2012, and it'd be great to at least truly fall in love before then. (Quick, get married, everyone! All those little drive-thru chapels in Vegas should make 300% more than usual that winter.)

So raise your glasses and your flutes and your bottles, clear and brightly-colored and filled--toast your year, down your drink, pour yourself another. Kiss people, hug everyone, smile wider than you may have smiled all year, laugh uproariously, cry a little bit. Dance--or for those who profess a lack of skill or want to do so, jump; move your damn feet! Get ready to live, get ready to love...or, in my case, just try to keep that up. I've got "Sweet Disposition" by The Temper Trap turned up, because I'm naming that the song of my year.

And now it's au revoir to Auld Lang Syne, and I swear I've had nothing to drink yet, I'm just drunk on feeling right now. I expect to be throughout the entire night.

Any resolutions? Maybe. Dance more. Earn my keep. Give more. Love stronger and don't be afraid to fall all the way to the ground if it comes to that. Take it all in; all that has made me, all that surrounds me, and all that I dream of.

Cheers. See you 'round the bend.