it's a white elephant in the sense that i don't know what it is yet

I feel like no matter how honest I am with you, sir, the bottom line will be thus:

"I don't know."

I don't know what I want from you, with you. I'm definitely attracted to you, I can't ignore that (and apparently, neither can those around us). I'm afraid that I just want what I can't have--again. I'm afraid what happened between me and Brady will happen between you and I, and honestly--honestly--the loss of your friendship and the addition of awkwardness between us would be much harder for me to bear. I'm afraid of hurting you.

Of course, I don't know what will happen until something happens...but that doesn't take away the fear. (This comes from someone who preaches on living in the present, and most often, practices that.)

And it doesn't help that there's another figure lingering in the corner of this frame. Whether he's too shy to come more towards the middle of the canvas or just doesn't care remains to be seen, if at all.

I want this. And I'm afraid of getting it. I'm afraid of unwrapping this gift, for fear that it wasn't what I asked for for Christmas. I'm afraid to ask for the receipt to take it back. I'd rather not leave it in the closet, though, either.





Finals, eh? They sure get you.