orange sunset through beech branches and beautiful notes that murmur of soft walls and apparently i have the hands of a psychic

I wish I could just forget people. I wish I had the ability to snap out of any connection that I have (or pretend I have) with someone.

As someone who claims to be a proponent of growth, in every sense of the word, and slogging your way through pain in order to emerge triumphant on the brighter side of the situation, I've lately been wondering about repressing. It worked (well, okay, sort of worked) this past winter.

The reason I ponder this is because of a connection (which I'm not sure I have or pretend I have in this case, although I'm inclined to believe in the latter) that has existed between me and a certain person for some time. (And I use connection in the most general and platonic sense of the word.)

This person has done me no harm, done me no wrong, in any sense. But because of an attraction to this person that fluctuates from time to time, and for some unknown reason, has been growing, I am afraid, for that reason, I think, to let go of it.

I mean, this is a guy that could probably still make me blush, like he used to, if we made small talk. And all that aside, he is a cool person.

I have no real history that shouldn't stay my psychic fingers from typing out the words, "Keep in touch." And yet.

And yet.

I guess all I want, in this case, is to be able to play it cool. Which, if these entries are any evidence, is exactly what I've never really been able to do.

Keep in mind, this isn't harmful. This isn't tearing me apart. It's just annoying. I'm annoyed with myself.

I wish I had a real reason to go East. To hit the Atlantic coast. But that would be weird.