1 am, 3rd night in a row

I'm acting like a goddamn idiot STOP i don't want to leave STOP but do i really STOP is he an excuse is he just what i'm projecting these onto or STOP i'm drawn to the blood sufjan sufjan STOP blue blue blue STOP why did i let it stew if i hadn't let it sit and simmer this ingredient never would have found its way into this STOP

i love him STOP 

but i don't want him STOP 

i want you STOP 

but i don't love you STOP do i STOP

what's to say there aren't any leaves on this tree and i'd just be flying into a tangle of bare branches STOP what's to say it's a tree at all and i stun myself into a window STOP this is so stupid STOP

god get me to sleep STOP sleep with warmth and colors and blue STOP

who's to say i'm done and who's to say i'm not STOP