not sure

Every time I do something wrong I imagine being impaled by several large arrows.
Possibly crossbow arrows. I'm not sure. But they're big.
I imagine the sounds they make when they hit me in the chest...the gut...mostly the chest.
I imagine the sound of the string's twang as another arrow is loosed.
I imagine falling backwards from the force of the first shot, my whole body curling around the point of pain.

But that's as far as I get. I never die. Just defeated.
I'm not quite sure if I start each day with no arrows, or whether I become a pincushion as the week goes on.

This started happening when I started working at my first full-time job. The bad one. The one that was bad for me.

It still happens, but less, but more sharply, sometimes.

When it does, it thuds.
No cracks of bone, no spurts of blood.
Just the thud of an arrow burying its head in a hay-stuffed target.

Today there were tears.