the halves of me: sleeping beneath the tree, hole in the canopy, light pouring in on me

I will always love him.

He will always love me.

I can not do this.


Part of this recipe just doesn't want to do it alone. It calls for knowing, or the fear, that no one else I want right now could want me enough.

• Enough: As much as him, as purely and baring-all as he does
• Right now: New city, new rules. Who knows? But
• He is coming with me, so I will push that down as well

And part of it is knowing how much he will hurt:

• Did he say he would harm if I left? No. He is not manipulative.
• He would be lost. He either really loves me this much or he loves me this much and is too dependent on me.
• Him hurting that much hurts me. Selfish or the cord that connects us? Both.

Honestly, I have never met someone who is as open to my desired journey as he is.

If ever we do sever, let it be because of weather.

I love him. Like I could have loved you, but I chose him.

A decision is, and we are, made.