happy birthday i guess

I still talk myself into you and back out on a daily basis,
but now it’s more like pulling myself out of a pit and letting myself fall into it again.

When I stay busy, it’s as easy as walking you off on my way down and up the hill in the rain;
beats and steps to knock you outta there.

When I wake up with time to wake up,
you creep back in and I fall back down a ways.
You’re a slippery slope.

Tell me it’s weird I got you something for your birthday.
Tell me it wasn’t just food poisoning—or it wasn’t actually food poisoning—that kept you from replying that week.
Don’t tell me it’s because you were incredibly busy because that could easily keep a candle lit.
Snuff it out.

Because? This is hard and I hate it.
I need clean breaks so break it
Or are my bones too soft for that?
Marrow turned to mush.



You’re awesome and I like you.
You make me wish I didn’t.