climbing from the bottom

Every time I come back up out of one of these--depressive spirals? Pits? Lows? Valleys? Whatever you wanna call 'em--every time I start coming back up out of one of these, I feel like I have to relearn how to take care of myself. I mean, especially this time around, because the last time it was this bad--and I was finally able to claw my way out of it--I was in a relationship. So, some of my needs were being met; I had somebody mostly attentive to me, and I was attentive to him, so I leaned on that. 

But this time, I'm learning and relearning how and when to fall asleep, how and when to eat, how and when to take my medicine, how and when to do homework; to communicate with people when it's necessary even when I don't feel like it, how to clean myself. 

So you know what? Late assignments be damned...I will take this at the pace I need to take it at. I've been doing that. I had to do that this week. I had to listen to my body. I had to take care of my mind, and my heart...and now I'm ready. I'm jumbled, still, but I feel like I'm finding more and more solid footholds so that I can keep climbing. And I'm moving on, one foot, one hand--one push of the foot or leg, and one pull of the arm, at a time. Climbing. Climbing, climbing...just remember that: climbing. You've got people who are not gonna let you fall. And if you do fall, you've got people who are gonna climb down at the bottom, just to talk to you, and be with you...and then help you find your way back up, 'cause it's dark. It's dark down there. It's not safe to climb without a lead.