plainly put, at this point, i have no more hope.

I joined this program with the goal of finding a clearer direction for my life. I had it! I swear!

Within the past year, I have lost my source of income and job (twice), I have lost my sanity, I have lost what my health once was, I have lost direction, I have lost my joy, I have lost my determination, I have lost my motivation, and now it looks like I will lose my dream career and goals.

What is the point in me sticking around if I don't have my dreams anymore? They're gone. I had a fire in me that I tried so hard to keep going for so long but y'all don't care enough about the arts and humanity in general to not go out to a fucking restaurant or get your hair cut in a salon or gather inside for worship or whatever other excuse you came up with.

Gone. Fire out, smoke to the tune of over 450,000 deaths.
Was it worth it?





Why can't I have one thing go right and stay right in my life? Just one thing! This one thing. Smoke. Gone.