thanking whatever is making up this universe

I have such good friends. I love them all dearly. I turned to all of them during a time when a one-way ticket for the non-stop crazy train was clutched in my hand, and each of them took turns ripping it to little pieces and then gently, but firmly, guiding me away from the platform, baggage and all.

I couldn't have whined to three better people in this world. I was held by one before being led on a cathartic walk through fourteen-degree fog at 2:30 am. I was given sound and thorough advice by another, and was rallied and bolstered by a third. In each of their own ways, they've helped me.

And I don't need you like I thought I would...did. The stuffed fox makes a better cuddler, after all--he lets me sleep at night.

There are now eight people for whom I would give anything to make sure they lived, and lived to the fullest extent life gives them. I love them all. I don't know what I would do without them.

You are not a big deal, then, I guess, like I previously thought. I so wanted to talk to you, possibly see your face, one last time; get the chance to not just yell at you, but yell at all the male figures in my life who've rejected me, and hurt me, and in some cases, broken my heart. God, that would have felt so good. But you aren't worth me losing my voice, and draining my energy, and holding onto that little ball of tar that I call a grudge. Grudges are sticky, and the longer I make a fist around it, the harder it will be to let it fall from my hand.

Someday, we may meet again. I don't think that I would regress back to any strong positive feelings that I once harbored for you. I wouldn't take you back, if there's anything left to take.

I hope that you find whatever you're looking for, but first, I hope you figure out what that is.

As for me, whatever challenges, whatever lows, I encounter in the rest of my life, great or small, I look forward to it--because no matter where the path I make in my life, in this world, takes me, I have, at the very least, the support and love of eight people who I love and care about dearly to hang onto the whole way.

And I can only wish that you have, or will have, people like that in your life, and that you are as blessed as I am, because I am blessed by something great in this life.