full heart

I am drained. Physically and emotionally (there was a lot of walking and some dancing involved). And yet, I am still full.

Banquet today was just awesome. Nailing was fine until George got up to read for his graduating advisees and I was the first one. I was totally fine--until he put his hand on my shoulder, and then I was blubbering like a baby. Damn it.

I have enjoyed the company of these people way too much, and I almost want to be selfish and not leave. I know that whatever lies ahead of me is waiting for me, though. Cliché statements, yes, but so, so true right now.

I didn't think I would be here, five years from now. I didn't realize how many people's lives I actually impacted--and that's all I've wanted, isn't it? To be important to people? Not to the masses, but to people....I think I was just concerned about how much I was going to impact the entire world straight out of this gate, that I didn't notice how many people walked into my life, and let me walk into theirs. Too many tears, never enough hugs, so many promises to visit made, so many bonds, so much resolve strengthened.

I love this family. My biological family is a good size, but it's not terribly big. This is my big family--my big, loud, dramatic (yes), diverse, embarrassing, talented family. And this is a second home to me, now. But we all have to leave home someday...

Plans are changing by the day. Ideas of what I'm doing with my future are morphing. I have one more week left and so much to do before I leave.

I'm excited.

I'm melancholy and sad to leave.

I can and can't wait at the same time. I wish time was like a rubber band that I could stretch as far as I wanted, to make the events that I want to enjoy and experience last longer, and let snap back during the difficult stuff.

I know they say college isn't the real world, and I'm sure it isn't. But this particular experience of mine has given me a lot of knowledge and a lot of good and a lot of love to hold on to, and it's something I wouldn't trade for anything--no other school, no other path.

This is the beginning of the end before the next beginning. It's time.