they have their headlights on but are driving around in the daytime.

if i pull up into the next lane, maybe i could get in the shadow of that semi and get some shade from the godawful sun. i can't see.

red truck, flip your phone shut; that's illegal in this state.

the radio is not on. i hate the radio; but i flip channels all the time.

i left abruptly, saying i had to do laundry and pick up my brother and stuff. she caught on that not five minutes ago i had wanted to do something because i didn't have anything to do and she asked aloud. i just said i had to go. two of them said good bye, she was one of them.

i usually sing or dance while i'm driving. today i cried. funny thing was, i got more relief from crying than release from singing or dancing.

i will probably sell back my books to the bookstore and get exactly half of what i paid for rather than post a notice on the bulletin board outside the cafe advertising them for more.

i will probably cry over what happened for a while. it was different. and yet the same. but i only cried a little, and i feel like crying more; am i all dried up, or too bottled up, or is there a malfunction with the waterworks?

this is the third time i've written today. it's all about the same thing. do i do it for release, or relief?

they sang a dirge about death and called it romantic. a few moments ago when they weren't there, i had said the same thing. so you see why i had to get out of there.

dad will be coming up this weekend to spend some time with us. i need a vacation; thank the lord it's a three-day weekend.

release, or relief?

will i keep going dancing? probably not wanting to, but i'll force myself to go. it's good for me. i like socializing. good lord, it's a relief to get away from the professor who likes tangents on wednesday nights. and it will be a release of emotion; although the cad man told us for the spell, "check your emotions at the door, because you need to focus on this right now." you can pick it up on the way out.

the trick of any performing or fine art is giving your emotions the boot. the deeper trick is making nice with them and inviting them back in. i read that somewhere and will keep repeating it.

and didn't i just state the obvious two stanzas above? if you read this, will you know? if you read this at all?

i wanted out of teenagerdom because of this reason above all others. i'm waiting to grow up already.

release. relief. maybe you can both, but one requires more energy than the other, and i got up too early for my taste this morning. i'm to bed.