smack

DOWN go the words that fail to leak from my fingertips into the ever-familiar ballet that shows across my keyboard at least once a day; it is what accounts for the previous mess, mish-mash of feelings trying to arrange themselves into letters (distinguished arrangements of the letters in the word...)

DOWN goes the toothpaste tube from my cabinet as i open the mirrored door; three mirrors and one face, who knew that beauty would cost three mirrors, oh, but will this beauty pay off for later today

DOWN go the feet, flat soles in flat-footed shoes upon the pavement, upon the grass, wherever they tread, and they do not tread lightly until another pair of feet are there, and then they jump and rest and float

DOWN goes my posture, sitting on the ground, beside you, with a lens not far away, your eyes keep flicking at me and i can't stand it when we hold eye contact and neither of us really smile, but do either of us look scared? you, scared of what? me? i am scared of you, sir, do you really know why? and is that why you pretend there is no semblence of history between us?

DOWN plummets my heart as we have to hold lips, lip-locked repeatedly, all for show, nothing big, while staged merry-mayhem plays out in the background, and i cannot help but smile at it, and for all i know there is no history between us (why even call it that?) because we're sitting too close together at this point for anything to be between us really

DOWN goes my foot on the gas pedal, make it home, make it stop, make it in my uniform somehow

DOWN go my innards, maybe due to the fact that i didn't have much to eat today, either, but as i haplessly gather things up before salary-earning i get a bad feeling, and i shouldn't, nothing's happened but filming

DOWN go my keys to the ground outside my front door as i am in a hurry, stumbling to the car, not very noticeably but sure, there is that shaky feeling in my limbs

DOWN goes the change on the counter outside the window where the customer, in just as much of a hurry as i am (although for entirely different reasons), has placed the fifty-one cents, and my tiny fingers scrabble at it for a few seconds as i rush to drop in the cash drawer

DOWN go the trays in the soapy water, splashing everywhere, drowning themselves in a hopeful cleansing, something i should definitely do

DOWN go my thoughts of anything but you

DOWN go any tiny sparks of hopes i had last night because

DOWN goes any reason to trust you, what am i doing, letting myself fall for this again?

DOWN my body goes onto this bed, worn, stressed, and i remember that the lady taking my chinese pulse earlier had once told me because she had taken my pulse for about a year straight, she could tell what i was eating and when i wasn't getting enough sleep; i remember today that she told me when i saw my friend that she could hear (or was it feel?) my heart jump, and she'd never heard anything like it; i'd like to see her reaction were she to take my pulse and you were to walk into my line of vision...

DOWN should go the lid to this computer

DOWN should my head fall to the pillow

DOWN should my eyelids move to close. i will be rested.

-d