temple arms too long

In all honesty, in all this low today,
the question of my gender is left aside—
unanswered, still, but back burner, cold.

Yesterday felt the most peace I’ve felt in a long time. I almost told them who brought me, but I didn’t feel it necessary. I just wanted to be. I was, as I said before, simply alive. Alive.

Today, knowing what that peace could have cost others, it is gone.
I’m still left lost on my rising self—stopped in midair, sunk to the ground—
if they notice my pronouns, who cares?

I’m back to cave. Bodes well for the week after next, when I go back to work.