today i was selfish

For the first time in a long time, I felt better than normal.
I was floating, not in euphoria, but in calm.
I felt alive.

...and at what cost?
How many have I put at risk?

I will stay indoors until this runs its course.
If I fall to it, don't take me to the hospital. Give my bed to someone who needs it and didn't risk it.

How can I atone for this?
I was doing so well.
Vanderlyle feels closer than ever.

At least I have all five senses and feeling of today to hold onto, 'til the last.