this is old...really old...

part A
force to be reckoned with.
standing on the edge of my old life right now, and the fall looks scary.
bright colors and earth tones.
butterscotch milkshakes.
mini coopers.
rainy clouds.
white dresses.
abstract paintings and pictures.
the color green.
a car named phil.
an unusual attraction to movies and shows that have anything to do with ballroom dancing.
a tendency to order lunch for breakfast at any restaurant.
playing violin.
a horrible, horrible packrat.
a tendency to fall in love at the wrong time with the wrong guys.
an almost complete lack of hand-eye coordination.
symbols found in everything i see, read, dream, or do.
love, and i'm bad at it sometimes.

but all in all, i'm a worthwile person to acquaint yourself with, in my opinion.

part B
I am a Christian. I try to be a good one, but none of us are perfect. I sin, more than some may think. I ask for forgiveness every night, and the next day, I go out and sin again. I take comfort in the everlasting fact that no matter what, God loves me.
I take shots of human growth hormone to make me grow. My body never produced growth hormones. Before I started, I was a 12-year-old girl who was 4'1" tall and had the bone structure of a six-year-old. I'm almost 5'5" now.
I have issues with committment. I don't mean the love kind, because I've never been in that situation before, but with just about everything else. I'm working on that like you won't believe.
Despite this, I stick to my deeply-held convictions. I will stand up for my beliefs in any way necessary, although at this point, it might be hard for me to die for them.
I used to be a very judgmental person. I try to accept everybody as they are now.
Contrary to popular belief, I can be a very introverted person. Hence all the sad, 'emo' poetry that I tend to write.
I'm a good writer.
I love gray, bleak days, but only if they bring rain.
I love hot chocolate, but only if I can drink it without burning my tongue.
I can be a very picky eater.
I have worn the hidden label of "unrequited lover" many times before.
I have been in one "relationship" my whole life. I was thirteen. It was with a gothic boy. It only lasted a day.
However, my thoughts and dreams of love are intense and deep.
I am a very deep person myself. I tend to contemplate and over-analyze things a lot. Pictures, words, stories--anything.
I am an artiste. I write poetry, I write stories, I (try to) sing, I play the violin, I want to play the piano, I act.
I am a very creative person.
My favorite kind of art is abstract. I get it when no one else does.
My favorite color is white.
Pictures are so much more than a thousand words to me, and yet sometimes, the picture doesn't need any words to speak to me.
The kind of love/infatuation I let myself fall into is mostly innocent and naive.
I love hardcore music. I listen to screamo. I also like indie and emo types.
Basically, I love the way a song can speak to me. I love reading lyrics. When I get a new CD, I make it a point to listen to the songs and read the lyrics at the same time, to imprint them into my mind.
Anberlin will always be favorite band. "dance, dance christa päffgen" will always be my favorite song. This statement is only valid until "Cities" comes out on February 20.
I get ideas for movies all the time. I just always have a difficult time in expressing them in the right way.
I like dancing. I dance like nobody's watching. I make up my own moves. But only in the safety of my own home.
That being said, if I encounter a certain song where I like the beat, you'd be most likely to drive by my car and see that I am dancing--or, as I have been told before, looking like I was "having a seizure."
I want desperately for someone to love me now. Even though I know I shouldn't, and that there is some guy out there waiting for me.
I like looking at the big picture. But I also like the small details that make it up.
I love the way some guys will go out of their ways or how they think up of small, creative and romantic ways to woo the girl they love.
I like the pouring rain. I think it's romantic. It would make for a good first kiss. But, don't take me up on that offer just yet...
I could never be with someone who was shallow, or who didn't have the same morals and beliefs as I do.
I eat too much chocolate. I eat too much fast food. In fact, I eat too much, yet I still manage to weigh 107 pounds.
I will probably never drink when I turn 21. Not that my parents are drunkards, but I've been around enough alcohol to turn it away and be the designated driver the rest of my life.
However many people have told me to keep my hair the way it is, which is kinky and coarse and frizzy, in my opinion, I want it to stay straight, like in most of my pictures.
I also want a music note dyed into my hair. I haven't decided what color.
I won't ever, EVER marry for money. I will marry for love.
I believe that love is easier to say than infatuation, but harder to feel.
I am infatuated with someone right now, but not to the obsessive point at all. He doesn't know me and, with any bad luck, probably never will. He is older than me. He is a deep and thoughtful person, as well as creative. I admire him greatly.
I like black-and-white or vintage looking photos better than color. I wish the world was oftentimes black and white. Simple.
I like to be open-minded.
I have friends who are Christian, Hindu, agnostic, atheist, and even pagan. To those who don't hold to my beliefs, I don't have to agree with them. I am their friend anyway.
I do not agree with what gay people do or their 'lifestyles.' This does not mean I hate gay people; I do not want them out of our country. I do not think they should be married, however. This does not make me a gay-basher.
I agree that we should enforce stricter immigration laws. But I do not think that they should all be kicked out of our country, "land of the free", or be forced to only speak English. In my opinion, that's racist. The diversity is what makes America, America. After all, nobody here is a true American; our ancestors were all immigrants once.
I am ditzy and quirky. I am an original individual.
Some people have called me brave. I like to think so, but the truth is, you never met a more frightened person in your life. I'm scared of most anything. I tend to put up a front around most of my friends, like I'm brave and courageous and I don't care what others think. But I do care. A great deal. I'm the least brave person I know.
I'm afraid of rejection. I want to be accepted by any and everybody. When I'm not, I cower back into the shadows of my shell.
I hate confrontations. In my mind, I imagine the perfect way to stand up to someone and set them straight. In reality, I avoid them all the time and as best I can.
I read contemplative books. I also read books that are classified as 'realistic fiction'.
I read a good load of poetry. I don't like rhyming, meter, or any of the techinical stuff. I prefer free, blank verse. No rhyming. All abstract, like me.
I hate Romantic Poetry. The only good poem that ever came out of that era was "She Walks in Beauty" by Lord Byron. Percy Bysshe Shelley was an atheist.
I used to be good at English class. I think it is now the most boring subject I've ever encountered, with the exception of Matthew Cadman's American Communities class. (AM is better, and you know it!)
I hate math. I hate science. Two of my worst subjects ever.
I don't like anything you have to prove or disprove with fact. I hate the fact that fact overrules feeling.
I hate politics. They tear people apart. I'll vote on the issues I agree on, thank you very much.
Stephen Christian, you are my hero.
I value faith, hope, honesty, purity, and life. I value love most of all.
I am a right-brainer.
I go mostly with what my heart says, rather than my mind. It ends up leaving me on the rocks.
I am an optimist. That does not mean I ignore reality. Although reality bites sometimes.
I have my moments.
I am myself. And no one can take that away from me.

-d