show-off

You know how some people, when they have feelings for someone, try to impress them all the time? Even sometimes in (what they think are) quiet ways?

Did you know that

some people still try to impress the person they like even after they know their feelings are reciprocated? Heck, even people they love? Who love them back???

And did you know that

by some people, I mean me?

I always want to impress you, because you always impress me.

go figure that i now sleep easier next to you than i do alone

Last night we were discussing how fast our relationship has moved. I was trying to think of an apt metaphor so I could feel it, and here's what I came up with:

Not the speed of a runaway train,

Not a roller coaster drop,

But rather

A plane in the sky!

Take-off, we could feel it,

But now we're in the air

and it feels like coasting, cruising.

We've got jet streams to ride

and we can see so much from up here.

Not to say we spend all our time in the clouds--

    it doesn't feel like it--

Just that we're not scared, it doesn't feel scary to me.

It feels right.

It feels as though we'd be able to land safely if we felt out of control.

We're communicating on radio.

And, to top it off,

we can eat on this ride,

    and the food is actually good.

circle

I didn't walk away the night after we met wanting you because I thought you'd be a good project,

    "I can fix them, I can heal them" etc. bullshit.

I just recognized that my heart met yours,

    side-by-side on parallel roads to some sort of recovery.

Different roads, different clothes, different bodies,

    but we matched.

Our voices go back and forth

    between matching melody 

    and clear harmony,

weaving currents through a jetstream.

I will come back around to you every time.

Every time.

looking forward

I want to welcome you back

    with pine needles

    cinnamon and turmeric and ginger

    sugar and warmth

    blood from biting my lip

    open arms

    thumbs on your cheekbones

    jaw cradled in my hands

I want to kiss you and taste all the cigarettes you smoked to catch a breath

    take it and give you the sweetness 

    and sound of the rain on the roof in return

Take the comfort I feel when you hold me

The safety I hold so close to my chest

when you're away

after every night with you so far

I see myself a tower still being built, further into the sky

You have bruised me and bitten me in the name of Our Hunger Who Art In Bed With Us

And I'm not asking for the full stigmata,

I just want to keep these marks on me for a while

Although even as reminders, I doubt we'd need them to remember,

But to wear, simply as proof:

You Were Here

and Here

and Here and Here and Here Here Here Here Here etc

I have never been as aligned with another body of stars as I am with yours

A constellation I often catch staring at me

And I stare back

The void not unnoticed completely around us

but our celestial bodies pulled more into focus, rather

If my repetitive declarations of your beauty and how it affects me makes it anywhere beneath your skin, I will count it successful

I will tell you even if you don't believe it

If ever there was a time to put faith in something you don't think you can see now is that time, these are those words

You've untied me like a wrapped gift and left me open: There is no mistaking my contents--

and so when I tell you, clothed or naked, that you are a work of art, you are beautiful?

Drink of that well! It is purified water

I don't know where you think you are in your story--

if you have reached your denouement--

but if I had to jump in as co-author, I wouldn't know where to start,

there is so much--!

When you said of the wedding where we met,

"I never felt more...seen...than when I was talking with you",

I tell you truly we are mirrored--

I had met my match in kind,

in whatever kind of soulmate form the universe saw fit to make from our thread

You are rare, raw, in all forms glowing--

by the light of your cigarette when you're at your favorite smoking spot,

by the energy thrumming from your words as you weave at our table,

by the blue-fucking-everlasting-sea-glass-green of your eyes when you look at me and smile,

in all forms, I tell you, and no, I'm not talking about the sad lamp.

There was a time when I would be sore afraid,

but I could now run a whole day on those eyes and that look alone

So stick around, nerd.

I wanna see museums and antique malls with you

I wanna go sifting through history with you

I wanna watch you run a newspaper

I wanna keep playing at your table

I wanna write and build stories with you

I wanna see shows with you and squeeze your hand when they sing my favorite lyrics

I wanna listen to your voice for as many hours as you can speak

I wanna listen to your guitar for as many hours as you can sing

I wanna I wanna I want you

And if all of this falls through,

please stay--my life, now knowing you, is pure bleakness without you in it,

in whatever capacity

In Our Name We Pray,

Get after it.

easing into it, sure

never have i ever

    been more surprised in real time

    had to follow a pivot this quickly

    had my stars more aligned with another’s

    

never have i ever

    walked under the freeway twice in five nights

    seen the galaxy in my eyes reflected clearly in someone else’s 

    expected something like this

never have i ever

    let myself fall into waters this deep, this many times

    given my full self from the jump

never have i ever

    expected someone like you

        to hold someone like me in such high regard 

        and keep me feet-on-the-ground with you

never have i ever

    touched someone, held someone,

        and found they just…fit. like they’re just right.

    been held by new hands that already knew me

never have i ever

    been bitten this many times

    

never have i ever

    bored a hole into someone’s forehead with kisses alone

never have i ever

    counted every sigh from every trip i took across someone’s skin

never have i ever

    felt this comfortable staying

never have i ever

    been in standing embrace 

        to remind someone

        that this is real

never have i ever

    been in lockstep with someone 

        in the process of falling

never have i ever

    expected something like this

        to happen

        to me

never have i ever

    listened to the impossibly contented songs in all seriousness

never have i ever

    been this kind of a catalyst

never have i ever

    wanted to shout a name louder through the cold night neighborhoods of lake light

    but also,

        wanted to keep this precious a gem held tightly,

        protected,

        until people are ready to know us

never have i ever

        pretty sure, looking back,

    wanted someone more

never have i ever 

    free association

never did i ever

    expect you